I received this email from my former school teacher who has been a Friend of my family for many years, she is on holiday but called last night to see how I was and I explained in a email what has happened, I thought I should repost her reply on my blog for all to see.
Thank you for being so honest with me. I am glad that you did not succeed in your suicide attempts I would have been absolutely devastated as I am sure so many other people would have been.
I am sorry that I am not at home until Saturday – or may be Friday evening – because you could have come round to pour your heart out. I really do know how you are feeling. I have, in the past, been in the same situation and spent 4 months at Carlton Hayes in 1970’s. I had 3 years of CBT after leaving Western Park and I am sure that with the right help you will feel better. It will take a long time and a lot of effort but you will survive.
I don’t want to burden you further with my past history in an email but perhaps if you want to we can talk when I get home. Many times during the last 12 months I have looked back on the help I had from therapy after WP days and without that I don’t know whether I would have survived what has, and is still, happening to me after losing my mum.
I am sure that you will be able to conquer this. Think of how much of a fight not only you, but also your mum and dad, have had for the last 40+ years to keep you alive and fighting your illnesses. Losing your main support, like I lost mine, was devastating I know.
To fill your loss you have been trying to dedicate too much of your time and energy in helping others. I know why you have been doing it but you do not need to prove anything to anyone because you will only end up destroying yourself.
YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN TO ANYONE YOU. YOU ARE A VERY CARING AND CONSIDERATE MAN WHO WOULD BE A TREMENDOUS LOSS TO SO MANY PEOPLE AND CAUSES IF YOU GAVE UP YOUR FIGHT AND YOUR LIFE.
I hope you don’t think that I am lecturing you (no Miss!!). I have cared very much about you as I have got to know you better. Think of what you have achieved in the last 15 years or so. You have learned to drive, and hopefully will continue to drive. You have taken on so many roles in the NHS. So many people regard you very highly – I speak to those people you know. You have achieved a high position at Mosaic. You have fought and fought for Western Park Special School and everyone admires you for that – even Mr Soulsby (Leicester city mayor) I am sure has changed his opinions.
You helped, cared for and supported your mum and like I did for mine, fought to keep her alive, dreading the inevitable but knowing the conclusion. You have been a tremendous support to your Dad, who worries and loves you very much and who I know is extremely grateful for everything you do although he is also very worried that you try too hard for too many people. I know, also, that you have been very supportive to Lee particularly through his surgery etc.
Just think, without you I would never have learnt anything about computers, mobile phones, websites, photography – the list is endless. Gay and I always feel that we can turn to you for your help and support with modern technology – I know that that is probably nothing to you but it means so much to us and I am sure to many other people.
NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOUR NEEDS. ACCEPT THE HELP AND REMEMBER THAT THIS WORLD WOULD BE SO MUCH EMPTIER WITHOUT YOU.
Bugger everyone else for the time being. Remember that you are very much needed by us all – those that others are not worth the trouble of worrying BELIEVE ME. I also know how hard it is to ask for help or to confide in others but as I have always told you I am more than happy to listen to you, help you and support you but unless you contact me I do not know and I do not like to keep pestering you.
Here endeth todays sermon!
I am not going to bed for ages so if you want to reply then feel free to do so. I will be thinking of you tomorrow – I have experience of these things remember so know that you must be feeling somewhat worried, even frightened, about what lies ahead, but you will get through alright, I am sure.
If I don’t hear from you again tonight Get to bed and have a good sleep, if you can. My thoughts are with you. I will hope to hear from you tomorrow. GOOD LUCK and love from Chris xx
She is right I’m really frightened that I’ll be throw to one side by my new friend and she will not support me or talk to me, if only she realised just how much her texts and voice calls mean to me it helps me feel that at least someone understands a little.
But I need lots of help and support to deal with all this!