I want help!

I’m scared of how I’m thinking sometimes I want help but need more support that people think, without technology I struggle to read things and write, I can do both but it takes a very long time and means nothing makes sense! I have for years hidden my struggles because it was easier than trying to explain.

In all the years people have known me how many times have they seen me do anything without any type of technology, my mobile phone types my blog for me from my voice?

My laptop hides me away from society where people like me should always be my motto of “Don’t Judge People Until You Know The Try Facts” was created in 2001 by me as a way of hiding away from the judgements of others of why I was always the sarcastic piss taker.

I needed to find a way to cover my tracks all the time so people accepted me but it never worked! I was and always will be be seen as the odd one out?

I want the same help and support I got while I was in school and then college and at the start of my uni life, funding stopped that and that’s why I failed from then on! No one realise why I hide so much?

I want help but can’t ask because the response will always be no, so I live a life hidden behind what people think I am rather than what I really am! I’ve never been a part of anything and feel ashamed to be somewhere ere I know I’m not really welcome or wanted because I spoil the fun!

What’s fun?

I’m scared of feeling so alone of feeling that no one really wants me to be somewhere because then they need to stop enjoying themselves. I’m scared my new friend will leave me just like before and it’s starting to happen already.

They say they are busy but I know that they are rolling their eyes and saying o no not him again! I have truly never had a friend and I don’t know how to cope with it. I’ve got used to being alone regardless of how much I hate it! But I’ve always be told that because I’m different I made my bed so I have to lying in it forever.

But I want it to change but I don’t know how to fix it I’m scared my new friend really don’t want me as her short strew?

I want help? I’m terrified of what and how I feel and what I might do to end this circle of fear.

I’m going to try and see a GP today as a emergency but if that fails I’ll get a appointment in a few weeks!

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