Everyone I try to talk to don’t want to know as long as it’s not involving them or won’t incriminate them in some way everyone just wants to walk away, I want the help I’m willing to take it before it’s to late but I’m scared of being so alone again I’m scared of telling people how I feel because then they will be angry with me!

My friend says she will support me but I’m really really scared she will walk away the minute it gets to difficult for me! The minute I look at her for help and a shoulder to cry on! She is angry with me for refusing the assessment?

But a tactful request for me to attend somewhere would have been better that “we are aware from concerns by your friend that you are having suicidal thoughts” when dad was sitting next to me in the car as I was driving him to mum’s grave! Tact 2 out of 10! A angry reaction from dad 20 out of 20? And a change in regulation meaning new rules in place.

  1. My journeys to be monitored and unless it relates to family business my car keys are to handed in.
  2. Any conversation relating to the so called depression must be first reviewed by him first
  3. No information about family matters to be talked about to anyone other than family.

He says that these were the rules set by mum when he had depression 39 years ago and they worked for him!

He knows that my mobility is limited without the car and he also knows that I need to have downtimes, my downtime will be spent in my bed room like it has been for the past 37 years.

I’m truly alone my only means of chatting to my friend will be via my phone and this blog? Dad is angry that I think suicide is the only way out! He will allow me to visit my friend because I explained who she was and that she was supporting me and helping me! He told me not to tell her OUR business but I could go out and see her whenever I want!

With regards to jenny he feels she is the reason for all this and says that if I don’t tell her to go to hell and go back to the street corner she came from then he will, he says that if she can sleep with her FRIEND then she isn’t as dum as she makes people believe.

So I’m telling him I’m meeting my new friend every evening now that way he will let me have my keys to go out as long as I’m back for 8.50 pm.

I’m sorry my friend I hope u can handle being my new lover! Don’t be angry with me please just help me?

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