Today someone proved they actually carered about me and I throw it back in their face? I had a call from the Leicestershire police with a concern for welfare enquiry. My friend who I trust was concerned that I would try to end my life, and she would have been correct! But for the fact that if I do I cannot say thank you to her.

I’ve never had anyone who has ever been interested in me for who I am most have been interested in the funds I’ve offered them to be my friend, and I’ve just realised I’ve been made a fool of and led to believe that friendship can only be gained if it is paid for in cash.

My problem now is that i’m terrified that i’m going to receive a bill I cannot afford to pay and that I won’t have anyone to chat to anymore if I don’t pay? I’m scared of lots of things and ashamed that my depression is making it so no one wants to know me. I wonder if my friend will help me with my fear of meeting people, she says I didn’t roan her get together yesterday but I feel I did the room fell silent the minute I walked in! Hence why I wanted to get out as fast as possible and why I ran down the road and made myself unwell in the process but I roaned her special day and I can’t forgive Myself.

All I want is a cuddle just someone to hold and tell me things will be ok! But I have no one..

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