I couldn’t attend a meeting to day in town because i was to scared to walk the streets where i was assaulted 8 years ago, that day a i lost everything i lost something most people take for granted and most people don’t think nothing off!
I lost my memory i was hit so hard that i lost my memory i lost my memories of growing up i lost my memories of life before that day. It was the hard work of mum and family photos that meant i have as least something of a past but i still sit amazed and interred at events relatives remember that i have no recollection of at all. It used to be a joke between family that i conveniently lost my memory when i owed someone money, but no one knew the real faces that i truly couldn’t and still can’t remember things i’m told a week past.
The last meeting i attended in town i walked so fast that i tired myself out to the point where i needed to take my BRICANYL inhaler which is similar to the blue inhalers most asthma suffers carry mine is always carried in my left side trouser pocket. my inhaler does the same job as vemtolin but is much faster!
Last week when i attended this meeting i left very quickly and returned to my car so scared that i couldn’t stop crying, people wonder why i try my best to avoid Leicester City Centre why i walk faster that my lungs can breath and why i’m so tired when if i do turn up for things, its because i’m to scared to be there just in case it happens again and next time i don’t just lose my memories but also my life.
I’m ashamed and scared of the fact that I live a hidden life that everyone see’s me as someone with confidance to do things and the ability to help others, but this is my only way of hiding what i fear the most I work as a volunteer within Leicester’s Hospitals and have done for the past 6 yrs i feel safe there! i spent almost all my life in hospital in the hospital where i volunteer so i feel comfortable and safe.
I confidently challenge patients and visitors that become abusive or agressive because i learnt how to fight off the bullies while i was in uni i protect those who have less ability than me, but outside i’m just the same as they are i’m scared of meeting the same fate as i did 8 years ago.
I lost everything including my friends when i couldn’t remember anything about them and the things we had done together everyone assumed i was taking the piss completely but i wasn’t and i never had the confidence to tell them the reason, so they all walked away like most people do these days I spend most of my life alone in my room like i am now doing hobbies which mean i can do alone.
But read on Facebook and other social media of all the fun things people have been doing around me its a massive challenge these days to even go out for a meal somewhere i’m constantly looking around and listening for anything which might alert me to the fact that i’m in a situation i can’t get out off, I have nothing in common with people i’d love to go cinema or somewhere but i’m spooked by not being able to see who is around me.
Its no longer funny and i hate what i’ve become!