I need to apologies and try and find a way of affording friends, i’m not used to not paying money to keep friends everyone assumes that i’m joking but i’m not i’m deadly serious at one stage i used to pay up to £40 per person plus food and drinks and tickets for shows and stuff for anyone that spent even an hour with me.
Just because i’m a IT geek it don’t mean i have loads of friends and for the most part of my lifetime i’ve spent it alone, after a while it gets boring going to the cinema or a restaurant on your own. so its easier to spend time in my room looking out the window or sleeping on my bed.
I really wish i knew what it felt like to have a friend i didn’t have to pay to be around me, dad says i should learn to die a lonely man as i deserve it for all the people i have let down over the years he says he’s no longer answering the phone in the day and i should put the phone on divert to my mobile he also says that once he cancels the carer he expects me to be here 24/7 and that should i want to moan about it then i can get out as soon as possible and find somewhere else to use as a hotel.
He didn’t like jenny he said she was lying about her disability and needed a good slap a few times, and i won’t let that happen, i’m sorry i’m nothing like him at least i care which is more than most do! unfortunately i’m seen as obsessive and not normal. Tell me something i don’t know? anyway who cares i won’t be contacting that person again so their need not worry and everyone will slowly not hear from me.
I don’t want to be seen as using people or stopping people from talking to their friends i will just go back to how my life used to be with me when she was ok people would hardly see me which was best for everyone. I told jenny she needs to spend much more time with her friends and start to forget about me, I’m stopping asking people for help or going places as its obvious they don’t really want me there.