It’s 1.14 pm and I’ve finally managed to sit down! I’ve been volunteering this morning at Leicester Royal Infirmary as a indoor Buggy Driver taking patients and visitors with limited mobility from one department to another.

It’s a service provided free from 9am to 4pm Monday to Friday and is operated by qualified volunteers who have taking the hospital driving test and therefore hold a red id badge which says we are licensed to drive buggy and tugs within the university hospitals of Leicester NHS trust sites.

I’ve been a buggy driver for about 3 years and I’ve done about 18 trips in my 4 hour shift this morning so this has kept me busy, but now I’m home and back to being a carer for my dad when I left this morning dad was in so much pain so I gave him some pain killers and suggested that he take a seat.

When I got home he was asleep and it seems he has been in the chair all morning it’s snowing outside and it’s -1c, he says he wants me to go shopping he don’t believe in online shopping he says that they can give you all the shit low quality food and you wouldn’t know until you opened it! By then it’s to late they have you cash! So I’ll have to go out shopping it looks like?

I currently have extremely bad stomach pain again I think it’s from the new medication but can’t be sure, yesterday I made pasta and cheese for myself with my new toys I’d bought for the kitchen as dad said ready meals are good enough but I’ve got bored of them and with a little adaptations I can cook if I’m left to it.

Just missing mum though she would have helped me find a solution to a problem I’m having, moving something hot from one place to another, it don’t help that dad has told the OT to fuck off and that we don’t need anything. But I do!

I can live independently if I have some adaptation fitted! But dad has always said that people like me should have been institutionalised years ago, and sometimes I feel he’s right about me? I wish I did feel so down when I get home but I do.

I wish the young lady I fancy would chat to me but she has stopped I miss chatting to her she is so lovely so caring and really sweet she listens and I feel really safe talking to her, I know I cause her problems and upset but I really don’t mean to.

She is the only person that I’ve ever truly trusted I don’t know how to say I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done and I just wish I could talk to her more, yes I do fancy her yes I do think she is more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever met in my whole life, and yes I would possible faint if she said yes to me and her going out.

But I’m scared to ask her anyway so we will never know? She is lovely though and I miss us chatting on text I just don’t know what to say to her in case she ignores me like she has been doing.

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