Can’t sleep

I seriously can’t sleep upto now I came bed at 10.30 pm and it’s now 4.22 am and I’m still wide awake, I’ve tried counting sheep! Reading, watching Netflix, listening to music, and even laying in the dark and I still can’t sleep.

I have two meetings today and it’s due to snow heavy, the way it’s going I won’t be able to do anything because my medication will just knock me out, I hope for fuck sack the carer turns up today else I’m totally fucked, sat I won’t physically be able to care for my dad and me today I just won’t have the energy or alertness.

Yesterday a physiotherapist and occupational therapist turned up while I was out to assess dad and myself for further support, and it seems he totally declined stating on my return that we didn’t require help or any adaptation as he is able to look after himself just fine.

What about me I’m struggling when the carer don’t turn in for work I end up doing everything because his words not mine “you owe me much more than this & you will do or you can get out” but we’re do I go as I already been told by my brother that i’m not welcome and that I need to repay tax payers like him and his wife before I scrounge off the state for somewhere to live.

My brother has always believed that those with illness or disability should be either executed, as we sap money off the hard earning taxpayers like him. My brother never used to be like this! It all started once he started working 12 hours a day 7 days a week.

My dad and brother both believe that my depression is just a scam so that I can be lazy and do fuck all like the other sappers who claim benefits off the state, which they have both paid into all their WORKING LIVES.

So it seems we are gaining no further help or support and the healthcare team that visited while I was out! Rang to say yesterday that they will be recommending to social services that carer support is no longer required.

I was trying hard to fill in a carers assessment and get dad to sign some letters to request information relating to his payment for care but he ripped them up in front of me and said he’s signing nothing, so I’ve stopped filling in the assessment because I’m scared they will contact him to ask what we need and he will say nothing like always.

I feel like I’m totally alone? The actual person I truly trusted has walked away from me because I told her how I felt about her! And now I have no one! Just me like it’s always been?  I’m alone and can’t deal with the feels I have and my depression.

Comments are closed.

Create a website or blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: