Today i could really do with some support from someone dad has a 10 out of 10 scale on the pain scale today in all his joints and i don’t have any backup pain killers to give him, the GP took away the Naproxen and Tramadel and Paracetamol so the only options i have are to leave him to cry his eyes out in pain like a baby or give him the only drug i have which is Co-Codamol 8/500mg which won’t even touch the pain.

I wish i had someone else here when he is like this as i can’t motivate him, i told him i will be calling paramedics later if the pain seems to be getting any worse but last time i did that he refuse to go to hospital and the got him to sign a form which said that they had advised him to go to hospital and he had refused medical advise.

So i was left to it, and when they had gone i got the 10th degree about doing things against his wishes, what about my wishes? i hate watching him in this much pain and i can’t do anything to help him, I just feel so alone and no one is around to talk to!

I’ve blown my welcome with everyone and now everyone don’t answer my messages because they are so busy, I tend not to use facebook as much these days as everyone has a opinion about everyone else but no one has a solution and the comments are only always offencive or sarcastic and non constructive.

Yet another quiet day alone as dad is now fast asleep and i’m sitting here typing my blog and wondering what to do next, i’ve done the washing up from yesterday and this morning, and cleaned this worksurfaces down. it seems the fridge is empty there is only some eggs and milk, both of which i’m alergic to and in the cupboard there is just vegetable oil and dried appricots as the carer on friday throw everything out because it was more than 5 yrs out of date.

I have no cash until thursday and last night my dinner was a bag of walkers salt n vinegar crisps, i should have kept them for my dinner today me thinks! o well, i wish i had someone to chat to on text message, but i don’t and while everyone is going about their sunday like they have always done. My sundays aren’t the same since me has gone and life isn’t how it used to be either, if dad was more mobile it would be great but he’s not and i’m a soul carer alone and wishing i wasn’t.

I get no carer support for weekends and after 5pm at night as social services deem if not necessary as i’m present and able, regardless of my health conditions it is seen that if i can support myself then i can support my family member to, i have explained over and over again about the condition i have being aggrivated by stress and excess physical activities but all i get even with medical evidance from my respiratory consultant is that i’m fit when the assessments are taken therefore their is not problems that their can see in me continuing care for my dad

I just wish there was somoene to text to someone who wasn’t busy and would just be happy to chat about anything and everything, but there isn’t!


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