This is a formal apology to those who are willing to accept it! I know this blog has upset quite a lot of people and let people see a different side of me, the side that i’ve always choosen to hide for good reason, my depressions isn’t getting any better and the more it gets worse the more people i lose.
History repeats itself it seems and all i can do is apologies, I used to have friends who i paid to be my friends i’ve always be alone when my depression takes hold people avoid me never to return again and in the past i never had medication to help i just tried to ride it through.
I upset lots of people i make it so people don’t want to be in the same room as me, this is the reason why i’m a loner i do everything alone i tend not to join in with anything or get involved with groups, as almost everyone wishes to be as far away from me as possible.
I apologies for upsetting people i don’t want to lose friends i’ve found who don’t want to be paid to be my friend but i’m aware that this has happened! i do plan to take my antidepressents at the full dose as well as antibiotics i have been prescribed and take pot luck if they work or not.
I ask that Jenny is looked after i have made it so she no longer goes out with her friends and she needs her friends i know i’m never going to be welcome anywhere and am happy to sit outside or away from where she is as long as she keeps her friends they are important to her. I always wanted a best friend but i never had that and never will have! They go just like everyone else.
I need to apologies to everyone i need to give everyone a reason to talk about me and i need to walk away like i’ve done in the past i understand i won’t ever be welcome anywhere, i let people down and find it difficult to tell people how i feel other than in my blogs. My mind is all muddled and to many people are trying to help but i can’t take it. I truly trust one person i don’t know why but something makes me feel she understands me, unfortunately i think after my last secure post i have lost her and i totally understand that.
I hope she doesn’t do what others do and does stay around but i know forwell that she will not and i know i’m on my own again. We meet and although i felt uncomfortable on that day for some reason i could happily chat to her, she listened she talked to me and she didn’t have a go at me like everyone else does. Unfortunately the bossman turned up and i just wanted to leave as soon as possible, I felt really uncomfortable and it felt like everything was planned.
THIS ENTRY IS A 100% APOLOGY TO ALL THOSE I HAVE UPSET I UNDERSTAND THAT THE OLD SAYING OF “ONCE A LONER ALWAYS A LONER” IS HOW IT WILL BE FOR ME I HAVE BEEN A VICTIM OF ASSAULT AND ABUSE FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE BEEN CURSED BY A WHITE WITCH WHO CAST A SPELL OF HATERIDE AND LONELYNESS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, SO FAR IT IS COMING TRUE EVEN THOUGH I DONT BELIEVE IN IT.