Can’t sleep

I’ve been awake since 3 am I just can’t sleep yep I’m so so tired, my back is itching from my eczema and i’m really cold because dad switched the timer off for the heating ages ago as her worried he won’t be able to afford the gas bill.

I collected some laptops that need repair last night, jenny came with me unfortunately but I wish she hadn’t I really want to talk to the young lady I fancied and trusted but not with jenny around.

I just felt so so alone yesterday everyone seemed to be having a go and nothing I did was right I got sent to collect some hot food from Sainsbury at 11 am yesterday (Sunday) with the comment “here’s a fiver! I want three things no more and with what ever change is left get yourself something” the change was four pence? So yesterday I had a glass of milk and a pack of Cheesy TUC biscuits all day! I don’t drink coffee because it goes straight through me within 10 minutes of me having it.

And unfortunately we ran out of teabag 3 days ago all the cuppa soups have been consumed by dad over the last few weeks while he’s been sitting on his own in the day, so there isn’t anyone else around to eat.

I have a mug which stays cool on the outside for home which means I can drink hot drinks safely if need be! But always use Luke warm water anyway.

When I say there isn’t anything left for me to eat he tells me that I need to start using the hundreds of pounds I get every other week to get something for the two weeks until my next lot of cash, even though I tell him I have to pay for my phone contract and the TV and broadband and home phone service he uses as well as putting cash aside for petrol all he says is so!

The same phrase of “know you know what me and your mum had to sacrifice for you to be were you are now” so stop moaning! I have £5.47 left in my account to last me until the 22nd February.

O well TUC biscuits it is? I wanted someone to chat to someone to love me and just have a joke with instead I sat in the car last night with jenny moaning about how I treat her and what other boyfriends used to do for her around valentines. As I said to her why didn’t you stay with them if they were that good! Her words were that all they ever did was fuck her and borrow money off her and as she says i don’t do fucking Although i tell people we do because it gives everyone something to talk about and at least i don’t do any of those things and I have a car which means she don’t have to keep waiting for buses all the time.

I’m sorry but although I get really horny a lot of the time I seriously don’t believe in fucking a woman just because and contrary to what people believe that all men are the same. I can confirm that this man is different, I can think it but it don’t mean I have to do it ok? There are however quite a few young ladies I’d love to pleasure but unfortunately I have more chance of walking on water! And who would want me anyway? I have a disease that most think they can catch? And more chance of getting TED pregnant.

So ladies your all safe and your free travel is guaranteed!

I love jenny to bits regardless of she has done but these days shes more like a friend i never had! Growing up in a special school meant everyone became your friend and their disability became the norm.

We all had the chance to learn about each other’s disabilities and how it affected our day to day lives, we all chipped in to help each other learning how to best help each other when no help was around and quickly learning how to ignore the embarrassment and just help!

I’m a different person because of how I was taught and grow up, I don’t believe in treating people differently just because! Everyone is equal regardless and what goes around comes around! I have a motto of

“DON’T JUDGE SOMEONE UNTIL YOU KNOW THE TRUE FACTS” it feels that everyone judges me because I’m a man everyone assumes, even the young lady I fancy? But she don’t even give me a chance just because she might have been hurt before don’t mean everyone is the same!

I’m used to everyone assuming I’m used to being used for the purpose and I’m used to being alone in my own world. Will have the laptops done by Friday hopefully and returned.

I wish loads of things but know that it’s time to start giving in and winding things down. I have a sore throat and crackles on my upper right lung which tells me I have a infection coming.