No Carer?

Today i have no carer again and no explination so far i’m starting to get really pissed off with this so far this week i’ve had a carer for two days her reason yesterday for not turning up was that she helped on tuesday to get dad to his hospital appointment and therefore it tired her out so much that she didn’t wake up until late, so far this morning i’ve done the hoovering of the lounge and stairs as well as washed up the pots from last night and this morning.

I can’t remember if i’ve taken my medication again so will no have them today like if didn’t yesterday i don’t think we have someone coming at 11 am to demonstrate a electric chair for dad so i bet i will end up totally fucked by 12 pm i informed social services of the lack of carer support and was reliably informed that it wasn’t their problem as the carers contract is not managed by them but by us and it is therefore up to us to do something about it.

And to be honest i don’t have the energy anymore to really care, my breakfast for this morning is 2 packets of salt and vinegar crisps and a glass of milk, yesterday dad got me to go out and get all the food he wanted for the next few days he told me to get what i wanted but their wasn’t anything i wanted only a packet of TUC biscuits so that’s what i got. it seems that this morning i’m on my lonesome again and up to now not a single person is answering my text messages or whatsapp messages so i’m on my own.

This is the worst thing about depression when i feel alone i’m truly alone and my thoughts of doing something stupid start taking control Jenny is trying to help but she seriously don’t understand and i really wish she would leave me to it, she said last night that if i do something stupid she would too i’m sorry but its up to her i really don’t care anymore and it don’t help that i worked out that i only have enough anti depressancts to last me until the end of May.

which means i either need to end everything now or find a way of sticking it out either way its getting harder and i know the bossman has said if i need anything i’m to just call, but its really not that easy, the young lady i’ve known a lot longer and i feel i can trust her more than anyone around me. I know that will probably stress her but i truthfully really trust her so so much more than anyone she really does seem to understand how it really feel, no one has ever done that.

Saying that i also truly have to apologies for any upset and embarrassment i cause you, this blog is my way out its my diary of my life and how i feel its a 100% frank look at life for someone like me, but i’m aware that this blog is offending people and to be honest you have two choices you can either read it or not, if you decided to continue to read it i thank you for your time and efforts and ask you to understand that what i put is the truth my thoughts and feeling in my words i don’t pull punches and i also don’t apologies for what is said.

If you decided that i’ve offended you then please with my compliments


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