Every thursday i volunteer at Glenfield Hospital supporting patients like myself who have respiratory disease, i love this roll and have been doing this for the past 6 years. unfortunately back then i wasn’t a carer to my dad now i am and its slowly taking its toll which means sooner for later i’m going to be seriously unwell and at present i don’t have adiquit support to have a contingance plan in place.
Dad’s other leg is now weeping and also has loads of blisters on it, yesterday he had a pain scale of 8 out of 10 and today he has no pain, the carer didn’t turn up again today and dad has worked out that she is now only working 3 days a week and getting paid for 5 with isn’t acceptable he says he is planning on telling her, but i know she will hand her notice in and then i’ll be left on my lonesome like i am now.
Dad says if that happens he will cancel the direct payments that pay for the carer and get me to become his carer full time, he also said that this will me HOPEFULLY you and jenny will be no more and you will have much more time once you give your notice in as a hospital volunteer to, its starting to feel like i’m isolated and it will be my fault if something goes wrong, Jenny don’t know about this Blog and i really don’t want her to know about it but i also really don’t want to lose her she and the young lady i like are the only reasons i’m not ending everything at this minute.
My plan B was scrapped but there are lots of other options available to me and at this minute although people are trying to help, nothing is changing and i just feel like i’m not getting anywhere. I asked jenny last night that IF i wasn’t here please would she do me a deal and promise to make a difference in her life as well as others, she said she wouldn’t but i’m starting to run out of energy and no one really wants to know only 2 people so far.
I still trust the young lady more than anyone because she seems to see behind my cover and also sort of knows how i feel, she is possitive and always chatting to me well was but after yesterday she don’t seem to want to know me now.