Last night i told Jenny how i felt, that i couldn’t forgive her for what had happened and that she didn’t understand how i felt and what depression means to me, i asked her to simply apologies to people she has offended i told her that i really really don’t want to be around her anymore but she still hasn’t listened she says she will change but on the next breath don’t see why she has to apologies all the time.
I know one thing i don’t really want her i don’t feel anything for her anymore and although we now meet and she likes to help me, i really don’t want to be with her but i also don’t want to be alone or staying at home I’d prefer the company of the other young lady at least i feel calm and less like i’m being judged all the time.
Can i please hold your hand and be close to you can i enjoy your company i really don’t like feeling so alone feeling that everyone is avoiding me, I know you have said NO loads of times but i promise on my life i will not mix our professionalisum with private life i promise i will care for you like you would never believe, i know you make me feel so calm you somehow understand how i feel without expressing it and i need that.
You know who you are you know i’m talking about you in this blog but you know deep inside what i mean and that is something i want so so badly the other day instead of holding my head in my hands i wanted to hold you i wanted to feel you close to me but at this minute i’m to afraid to ask in case i get rejected yet again from you.. I sometimes feel like you are avoiding me by asking your boss to turn up..
Please Please Please give me a chance give me all of the above and allow help me get out of this down hill journey i’m travelling and stop me from doing something everyone will regret!
I’M ASKING YOU JUST TO GIVE ME A CHANCE GIVE ME THE WAY OUT THAT DON’T RESULT IN ME ENDING EVERYTHING!!!
I’ve already started the process of stopping meds that i know will cause me difficulties over time.