Simple yet so difficult!

Why are the simple tasks so difficult i had a shower for the first time in ages on my own this afternoon but it took me 2 hours to do something so dam easy for everyone else, the water from the shower kept taking my breath and i ended up having to keep stepping out of the falling water just to take a breath.

No one understands just how difficult simple tasks are on your own, i need to shower keep clean we used to have a bath fitted but even then i needed help from dad, now that i’m a adult and now dad won’t help me and i end up struggling along doing my best i have to get the strip and then switch the water one and get under the shower as soon as possible and hold onto the fitted hand rails with one hand and wash my hair with one hand.

i then have to step out of the shower to get my breath and then step back in to continue to wash the rest of me, it don’t help having certain parts of your body wanting to be on parade to attention for most of the fucking day i wonder if the woman that take medication like me end up being as horny all the fucking time its dam right embarrassing, According to Social services i don’t currently meet the minimum requirement so support for such things as personal care therefore i tend to just struggle along and have done for the last 7 or 8 years.

Then people wonder why make a swift exit from anything that means i might get sweaty or wet, I’ve even started making a exit when i’ve got a really horny day if their are lots of young ladies around, its embarrassing and difficult to explain i grow up in a hospital enviroment where mix sexes undressed and washed at the time it was’t even thought of to have same sex accommandation then. So you quickly got over embarrassments and just laughed about it.

I just wish i didn’t struggle to do the simpliest of tasks its no longer fun to have a shower and it knackers me for the rest of the day, it don’t help that i’m really cold and tired most of the time now. I’ve been wheezy for the past few days and i’ve seen a GP and they can’t seem to find anything so i’m unable to start any antibiotics extra.

I wish i didn’t feel so low the young lady asked me what i wanted, to be honest i don’t know i want someone to make me happy again like Jenny did i don’t need friendships i want someone to love me and hold me and kiss me like she did but i’ve lost that yet again and i know i won’t get it again..

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