No Care!

So for the past 3 days i’ve had not carer support, it was Sarah’s day off on Wednesday and i was volunteering at the Hospital when i returned home at 12 pm dad was happy using his tablet computer and searching for car’s.

I had to get the wheelie bins down the garden and empty the kitchen bins as well as sort out his evening ready meal, Wednesday night i went out on my own and sat in the car park like always i miss jenny we are still friends but i miss seeing her of a evening.

Thurday morning i got up and did my rehab weights i then came downstairs and took my medication with a glass of milk then left for Glenfield Hospital to volunteer in the pulmoray rehab unit like i do every Thursday. Dad got me to call sarah at home 4 times but no one answered her mobile and her home phone side that the line had been disconnected. So i left for volunteering!

When i returned after 12 he was putting the washing in the washing machine and felt it necessary to tell me i should have done that before i left this morning instead of leaving him on is own like everyone else does. it seems Sarah hadn’t coming in still and was most likely to not come in for the rest of the day, before i could get my uniform off i was doing the washing up and tidying down the kitchen worktops of all the crumbs from breakfast, these days i don’t bother with breakfast or dinner or tea i have a glass of milk with my medication and then thats it for the rest of the day.

I have a packet of mints in my pocket so if i want to chew something i can but i don’t feel hungry anymore and i don’t have the time and way. Yeh their is plenty of food in the fridge but nothing i really want sadly one of the little known draw backs of taking longterm steroid medication is the in ability to taste anything, it sounds odd but when your life is spent taking medication day in day out a large amount of your senses disappear i’m unable to taste anything so everything tastes like cardboard.

Once i’d cleaned this kitchen he decided that we was going out to do some food shopping what he really meant was i take him to all the shops he wanted Me to go get food from for him! which is what happened, we ended up at Sainsbury’s for a Snack and then Mcdonalds for a drink and then back to ASDA to get a whole list of shopping, he sat in the car while i went around all the shops. The bags get heavier and the junk gets more, o well its not my body thats taking it! it’s his?

Time to go home and pack the shopping away and then sit and listen to the radio for the next few hours until we closed the curtains and put the lights on at 4.30pm i decided to ring jenny while i was in the loo and ask her if she wanted to get back together with me, yeh i know once a fool always a fool but i hate feeling so empty, the young lady i fanced really don’t want to know me and has made it so so clear its unbelieveable, plus who wants someone so used anyway.

I would have loved to taken her out and treated her like the princess that she truly is but her not answering my text messages or massages in general shows me that i’ve lost the friendship i had and any chance of me loving her, YOU WIN! and like the story of my life i get second hand merchandise just like i’ve always had!!!!

Me and jenny are back together but with rules in place that mean that if their is a next time we are no more full stop, i can’t deal with it anymore but then again i can’t continue to be alone, a cuddle and kiss is all i want someone to hold me close and listen to me. but everyone assumes that i’m like any other man around who isn’t only interested in one thing, including the young lady i’m interested in. JUST DO ONE THING PLEASE BEFORE YOU ASSUME YOUNG LADY!!! GIVE ME A CHANCE OK STOP DOING WHAT EVERYONE IN MY WHOLE LIFE AS EVER DONE, I CAN GIVE YOU LOTS OF LOVE AND CUDDLES AND KISSES AND I DON’T NEED YOU TO ASSUME THAT I WANT THE OTHER OK???

Thurday afternoon still no carer just me and dad yet again, thursday night i went out at 5pm yet again and returned about 8.30 its amazing how Leicester looks at night so quiet and surreal compared to the husle and busle of the daytime, When i got home dad was asleep in the chair he’d put mum’s old fleece snuggy over him and was warm and cosy he had switched the heating off it seems and just gone sleep in the chair with the TV on.

I sat in my chair opporsite him and set my laptop running to finish some bits off for projects i’m doing 10.30 came and i decided to go bed myself the funny thing is i can’t sleep so i end up continuing my work from my tablet computer upstairs, Jenny text me like she does every night to see how i am and what i’m upto but i didn’t feel like chatting much.

The next thing i knew it was 8.45 am and dad was shouting at me about getting up because i needed to go get some milk and fill the kettle up. Sarah rang to say she wasn’t coming in until further notice as she had been to the drs and was being tested for pneomonia therefore was unable to work, the funny thing is i’d sent her payroll through on wednesday to her bank account the day before. So no carer support for three days now and today its the weekend and we don’t have support anyway.

So i’m on my own yet again and its getting to me i need some time out in the day i need someone else to be caring while i find something else to do, I feel really sick my arms are hurting and my joints are tight, dad has finished his IV antibiotics and is now on oral antibiotics for the next two days but i’ve had to call SPA (Single Point Of Access) a special service which means i can request the help of Rapid Intervention Nurses to come visit sometime today and help me as dads legs have started to blister and weep which means the infection is still in his legs.

I have this feeling that this time around he will required a stay in hospital to get rid of this infection this time around.. Although i have been told by him that i’m not to accept any more care support if he does as he can’t afford it, so i’m in my place, time to go out and get some more shopping and keep myself busy.

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