Lost everything?

I can’t sleep it’s 6.04 am dad had a letter from social services yesterday to advise him that as from the 26th February his contribution toward 13.5 hours of care over 5 days will increase from £139.72 a month to £294.86 a month there reason is that increased costs from adding 2.5 hrs extra mean that the social budget would be in defesit.

So dad has decided to terminate Sarah’s contract with us and to have me do most of the daily tasks he has also decided that as of February I’m to inform all concerned that I will no longer be available for meetings or social activities. He is going to sell mums caravan in Norfolk and have the stairlift removed from the house thus saving £1,400 a year which can be spent on general bills. He has also told me that i’m to not renew my motability car next year as I will have to start paying £226.00 rent for living at home. As he says he has no intention of losing what he is entitled to it’s now “all for one and one for all”!

He told me last night that he wants me to sell anything of value as he needs the money to pay his bills as he has no intention of selling the house or not leaving a inheritance for my brother and his wife as he says social services will have to cover your needs as we’ve put all we can afford into you and gained nothing in return to show for it!

Which is right! My brother and his wife have good jobs with long hours and several degrees between them and all I have is one degree which I shredded into millions of peices 10 yrs ago and a list of medical problems which just use service resources which dad and my brother have paid for thousands of times over through there employment contributions.

So you see a life of existence isn’t all it’s cracked upto be. Now I have nothing and no one when the shit hits the fan it seems it’s a case of every man for himself and whoever is left drowns 6ft under.

Dad says that should he be asked to come in for his knee replacement surgery he plans to decline it as that will require social services to get involved and them to implement a care package which he would be charged for because he has a private pension of £29.00 a week which isn’t fair when I could easily provide the care if I get my finger out and do something useful for once instead of going out enjoying myself every day.

He says that i’m never ever to ask for help that should anyone ask I’m to say we are fine thank you and that we have it all covered.

But we don’t I’m knackered most days now as it is I have a constant headache and am struggling to cope as it is most nights now I go out at 5pm and drive down to a local car park and just sit and watch the world go by. I’m not welcome anywhere I don’t have a girlfriend and no friends that just want me around because I’m company most want me for my skills and knowledge then once they have that it’s by by.

I’ve lost everything I have nothing the young lady I fancy has won her fight against me winning her heart because I don’t have anymore fight left I have nothing just life always everyone got there own way in the end?

As dad says if I become to unwell to care for him then he will hold me responsible for anything that happens to him because I’m lacking on my loyalty to our family. I’m the oldest son I should have thought of this year’s ago and got something sorted then instead of letting the family down as I have now.

He’s right I let everyone down I lost my girlfriend because I wouldn’t fight to stop her ex doing what he wanted so now I’m paying for it. I lost all hopes of winning the heart of the young lady I love because I wouldn’t leave it be and now she wants to be millions of miles away from me and don’t even chat or text no more only claiming that she is just snowed under with work.

I suppose I asked for this because I wouldn’t fight back. I see no point.

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