Got out of bed at 9.40 am

I think i upset the young lady i like she isn’t talking to me! but neither is anyone else i took a friend down the mobile phone shop so they could get their money back, Its was snowing outside until about 1 pm after i finished helping my friend i took a slow drive home the long way.

Having been thinking about some of the things i put this morning maybe i need to look at other ways other than obvious one’s i’ve just completed all of Sarah’s payroll for the next 6 months so she won’t lose out and neither will dad he will have care from someone.

All this is in case i decide to do something, my depression isn’t getting any better i feel like everyone is deserting me i’m on my own island and have no one to save me all i seem to be doing is pushing people away the young lady i like wouldn’t be interested in a loser like me she has bigger fish to fry i’m just me, my headache is worst than ever i tried taking a nap in a dark room as well as taking some paracetamol but its not worked.

So it seems i lost my dreams to someone who is far more better for her, her friends have their wish and have something to chat about every weekend. I’m just going to go back to being a carer like dad said i should be doing until he don’t need me anymore then i can go far someone to end my life with.

But to be honest i’ve sort of got used to the idea that i will die alone just as i was told years ago, “You will die alone with no one, you deserve to live your life alone you are and always will be a nobody” I hope that the young lady i fancy will find it in her heart to give me a chance, but i bet she is already spoken for and that means the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen in my whole life and the most sexy and i bet passionate woman is miles out of my way.

Why do i try to find love when i’ll never be whether of anything other than failure. need to start putting on the smiley face again no one needs to see me as anything other than Glynn the person that helps everyone and makes sure they are OK but comes home and just wants to bury my head in concrete.

Maybe i should listen to what everyone has ever said about me, the reason why people don’t want to know me is because i have interests which others find boring and for the past 20 years i’ve been nothing but a geek someone that people avoid or use when they need and throw to one side when they don’t its the norm in this world.

I try to make others happier than i am inside that way people don’t see that side of me and continue with their lives, my dreams are failing and i’m learning that i should never look forward to something as i have no chance ever achieving them.

I dreamed of going on a world cruise for my honeymoon, living in a big house accessible house so i’d be able to live there with my lovely wife and care for her until i was unable to and then live there until i was unable to, I wanted to be remembered for all the kind things i did for others and i don’t ever want to be seen as anything but me.

Just like any young lady has a dream of a big white wedding i do to i wanted to be the man that opens doors for her and moves chairs for her i wanted to be the man that buys her nice clothes lovely jewellery and just hold her hand and tell her how much i love her how she makes me feel inside and how i know i will never get that chance because i’m not worth the effort i’m not good enough to be anyone’s groom anyone’s boyfriend, i’m just plain and simple Glynn

Jenny showed me that i need someone to love me that i need to find my dreams and that i’ve had enough of being used she fucked someone else to get back at me because my dad won’t allow her in the house straight the way she don’t understand that he lost his wife 2 years ago and he thinks i’m trying to get someone to take her place but i’m not i’m just trying to be happy and so far all i’ve done is get down, but everyone else has got exactly what they wanted.

Jenny’s ex has a fuck cushion to use as he wants like he does the others young ladies and everyone else has the opportunity to laugh at me for being a fool. unless someone can prove otherwise everyone was right about me, i let people down i find it so difficult to be a part of anything i don’t fit in i never have.

I try all these things photography, web hosting and design and although i’ve been doing them for years and love doing them i’m a qualified IT professional that one is true 100% true I started Finney Family Hosting in 2006 after family members kept having telling me to do something i was really good at so i choose Web Design & Hosting i was hoping someone would come and join me like my brother but he was only interested in making big money as soon as profits went down he walked away just like everyone else did.

I still run Finney family hosting but only because i keep my promises of lifetime web hosting for all those that have paid upfront. 20 people paid upfront nearly £1,000 over 5 years my brother and others had their share then fucked off and i carry on out of loyalty to others.

I care about other people if i had help then maybe i could make my now small idea into something big again but i can’t do it on my own anymore and no one is interested, i wanted to use the Finney name to setup a care agency which would help older and disabled people stay in their own homes, these are all dreams i wanted to setup a taxi company that would provide wheelchair accessible hire to people who find it difficult to use public transport 24 hours a day 7 days a week from qualified staff who live disability and not just try to fleece disabled people.

But i really wanted a family of my own, my dreams are just dreams tomorrow i have a meeting i’m meant to be going to i have this feeling that dads carer has been told not to come in therefore i’m home again, i want to be out. in a hour or so tonight i’m going out i’ll head down to the car park i normally park in i’ll switch off my engine and lights and sit and watch the world go by dad has got used to me going out every night so i don’t disappoint i’ll be back at 9 pm or earlier.


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