Woke up at 4.43 am again!

So i couldn’t sleep again and it seems i woke up at 4.43am my headache is still there and just as bad as ever i talked to the Dr about having some sleeping tablets but was advised that it would be to risky for me because i would not be able to manage my own Airway, which is correct sleeping tablets have a tendancy to relax your body and in my cause could relax my airway thus making it impossible for me to breath.

So that one has been ruled out! i’m really wheezy to and that is agrevating me a little its making me cough when i lay on my back or side, its frustrating because no one see’s this and its a common problem with those that have airways disease.

I went out last night and met up with jenny i told her i’d like us to just be friends for a bit that i’m struggling to cope with the fact that she slepted with someone else just to get back at me for not taking her everywhere with me in the day, its not fair she pleeded with me to forgive her and not to leave her but as i said for the moment i’m struggling with my depression and with the challenges that that brings each day and i can’t take her constant text comments about i don’t care about her or i stick up for others rather than her.

As i said if she actually admitted when she was wrong instead of blaming others all the time then i would probably stick up for her, but it don’t matter what happens she still feels she hasn’t done anything wrong.

I’m trying hard to do all the things dad asks me to do without saying i’ve had enough and can’t do it anymore things seem to be taking longer for me to do and i’ve noticed that its taking me longer to walk places i’m getting more tired as i go along, i checked my weight the other day and i’m now 63kg where i was 71kg last september so i’ve lost a lot.

People are constantly telling me off about not eating much but when nothing has a taste then its pointless eating it, I eat some TUC cheese biscuits last night but they tasted like cardboard and i bought myself a small bottle of milk from the local shop but the lumps got in my teeth, have this feeling milk shouldn’t have limps but hey it didn’t taste of anything so i don’t know!

walked passed a pub in town last night someone must have ordered a roast dinner it looked lovely but, i’ve only got 60p in my pocket until next thursday cos i put £50 of deisel in the car the other day. and some bills have made bother my accounts nil, but i don’t care bill have to be paid and that’s important, i won’t loan money off anyone because they is always a catch somewhere down the line.

I have two outstanding invoice from people who owe me money for websites i’ve designed but they are refusing to pay them because they feel the bill is to high, even though they agreed that £500 was OK. I don’t intend to chase them i will just write it off like i have other years, its not worth the effort or stress. Plus i’m slowly winding it down anyway.

There is no really point doing the web hosting and designing anymore as i’m struggling to do the work on my own and i’m not getting any better with my health. I really want to go to the meeting in town on monday but really don’t know if people will understand why i’m so quiet.

O well its 10 am i’m off out somewhere!

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