Although i woken up at 4.43 am i had already had enough of i can’t sleep i don’t want to eat and i can’t switch my brain off, nothing new most will say but today seemed different. All day i been out helping someone find the best mobile phone deal around i’m good at getting a good deal and advising them on the best technology. I don’t do it for money i do it because i enjoy my skills i don’t always get it right but in the 20 yrs i been doing it i’ve save people thousands of pounds and give people a look at technology through a different set of eyes.
This afternoon someone said they was proud of me i don’t know how to react to that because no one in my whole life as said they was proud of me not even when i gained my degree all i got then was “you could have done something that normal people might do, instead of that shit” all i ever wanted was to feel someone love me for what i’m good at but no one ever does, no one sees what i’m good at because i choose not to show people, I wish i knew how to react to things but i just want to go and hide like always.
unfortunately this evening i’m seriously horny and wish i had someone in my life who could keep up and enjoy the feelings that i have and they might have! i hope for god sack that on Monday i don’t get a dam erection like the other week i won’t be able to sit in a meeting with loads of ladies without going red and i know at least one person who will be looking for the signs just to see me blush if i notice them looking.
I’m aware that the person i talk about in this blog knows its about them, i’m sorry if that embarrasses them or makes them feel uncomfortable but i’m only saying what i feel, you are and always will be extremely beautiful and so gorgeous, yes i would love to ask you out but i’m afraid of the response so probably will never do that so your safe! I know i would love to kiss and hold you and be close to you, and i know that i could look after you and treat you nice if you would allow me to. I know you have told me NO before please will you consider giving me a second or third chance.
Would you allow me to love you, to treat you nice and make you feel nice inside would you at least give me the benefit of your doult and not tell me off about it, I accept i’m a volunteer i accept i’m a friend but I know i can keep everything separate as this is how i am, i don’t mix things at all but i do love like you would never believe if i’m given the chance.
Tonight i feel alone i feel like its time for me to call it a day i’ve got nothing to prove to no one anymore i look for hope i find sorrow and sadness, i look for happiness, i find a friend, I look for a kiss and cuddle and get a smile and a laugh.
Life for me isn’t how i wanted it life for me isn’t how i dreamed. might try to sleep!