So it seems people are upset with me today, no one is chatting to me i’m getting the cold shoulder from loads of people and i really don’t know what i’ve done! All i’ve done is said what was on my mind through my blog its not a crime! well i don’t think so anyway?
In this blog i say what i feel maybe people don’t like it but i’m sorry i find it so difficult to say how i feel to someone face to face or by phone, but have no issues typing it on a text or via this blog. Today I decided to go on duty as a hospital volunteer like i have done every wednesday for the past 6 years.
I’m a proud volunteer i’m repaying the hospital for looking after me when i really need them my skills as a volunteer mean i can give something back whether its supporting a patient or visitor to the hospital or helping staff to do their jobs its a change from caring and something i love doing, although lately its become harder to do as my depression seems to get in the way.
Unfortunately i find out today that jenny is starting on Monday as a hospital volunteer to tell you the truth i forgot i’d suggested to her to apply but it seems her DBS Criminal Records Check came back clear so she is now authorized to work in all areas of the university Hospitals, this isn’t a problem for me i work driving a patient tug around the hospital so i won’t see her that much at all..
At this minute though i don’t go in that much anyway i’m to busy looking after dad now i’m the only driver as dad can’t sit for long in one position before he has to move this legs as they start to cramp up, I wish the hospital would hurry up and give us a date for his knee surgery so his pain will be gone.
Tonight i’m really cold dad has put the heating on for 3 hours so as to warm the house through he says but i’m still really cold, i’ve got my fleece jumper on and my steel toe cap work boots on as they are fleece lined just to stay warm i don’t normally bother with the cold but this year i’m having problems.
But i’m really bored dad is fast asleep in the chair and i’m sitting her typing this just to have something to do, i don’t watch TV its so boring for me but i’ve ran out of jobs to do on the computer to i noticed this morning that my eczema has started back up on my right hand again but i think that’s my medication again.
Its starting to become a lonely world again no one is answering my text messages or facebook messages lol well nothing new for me, another night i might go out and have a wonder around town on my own see whats going on but really don’t want to be here, dad has got used to me going out at night from about 5 pm until 9 pm ish so need to find something to do or just sit in a car park somewhere to pass the time.
I’m not going to tell people what Jenny did else everyone will say “told you so” yet again and i really can’t handle it again its 8 years on and i’ve still not learnt my lesson i’m still a sucker and still a fool who can’t seem to have a relationship last longer than a few months, I must be so boring, i love to spoil my girlfriend maybe that’s what i’m doing wrong maybe i over do it? But last time i wasn’t that good at spoiling her and she still walked with all my cash.
I don’t know what i’m doing right or wrong i know one thing sleeping with someone else tells me i’m not wanted anymore and i’m no good for anyone it seems. Nothing says i can’t look but i’ll never be able to touch it seems as the young ladies that i fancy don’t want to know me it, I’m a factory defected model demoned to be thrown to one side and left to rote.
Its a lonely life now days all i seem to do is upset people!