Its a quiet night, i’ve been out and seen Jenny all she could talk about was gaining weight and slimming world, she asked me to help her fill her book in which i’m happy to do but i really don’t understand it and she keeps having a go at me for not getting how it works.
I want to help her lose the weight she needs the encouragement but sometimes i think she sees me as nothing else more than her support worker and not her boyfriend, o well that’s how it goes she is worth the hard worth!
But today i just feel really lonely inside i haven’t got my headache any longer but i just feel so tired i feel i’m fighting a endless battle to keep myself above water and not sink slowly behind the wall that my depression is building for me.
I volunteered at the hospital this morning the first time since December it was nice to be back doing the job i love doing but it didn’t take away the loneliness of being a carer i still was worried what dad might have been up to on his own has we had not PA support in today. I got home for 1 pm and he was sitting watching TV he was complaining that he was cold even with the heating on so i closed the doors and just took a seat for a hour and it seems he was OK.
I later find out that he had just put the heating on the minute he saw my car outside as he was afraid it would cost a lot to keep it going all day and he feels he won’t be able to afford the bill when it comes in.
This afternoon we went out and had our haircut i had my head shave like i always do which will last about 2 week before i need it doing again, dad is struggling more and more each day and i just have to sit here and watch it because i have nothing available to help me help him.