Cold crap day!

It’s 6.07am I’m laying in bed unable to sleep wondering is this really worth it? 6 hrs sleep my mind wering away my body cold again like every night. Had a meeting to go to last night.

It started at 8.15pm but I left the house at 6.30pm telling my dad it started at 7pm I just wanted time out again somewhere to be instead of home! The constant routine of Glynn can you do this. Glynn can you do that. You not done this yet! You never spend time helping me like you do others!

I feel like a robot we have Sarah for 2 hrs a day and while she was there yesterday he got her to water the plants in the window and Hoover the stairs and make him a cuppa. Then he gave her Wednesday off and said he didn’t need anything more. But he does and after she leaves its Glynn take the washing upstairs!

Make me a cuppa then he sits and moans about his knees and the pain he’s in and that he’s bored staying and that maybe if I stopped seeing jenny then we could go out more on our owns.

Going out is like challenge anika on its own him putting his slippers on then coat then grabbing his 2 crutches and proceeding to walk like a tin soldier out the front door and down the path unable to now bend his knees because the pain is just to intense if he does.

In the mean time I’m trying to get my coat on as well as lock the house up and open the car up by the time he gets to it up the road. Even though I have a blue badge and a motability car I’m unfortunately not eligible for a blue badge parking bay outside the house because we have a public transport stop directly at the end of our path and our local authority bylaws state that nothing is allowed to obstruct this for a length of 1.5 metres.

So whether the need is there or not I can’t have! Once he’s in the car its a drive around for two hours collecting shopping from Asda or Morrison’s while he sits in the car just to say he’s been out. Sarah is paid to help me with big bulk shopping but he debts her to get milk or small items and sends me for everything else.

If I say no I get the guilt trip of we supported your every need when you was younger now you repay us like this?  I’ll have you done for cruelty? You will never work or volunteer anywhere again!

I really don’t need it so I do what I’m told I just need some time out? He don’t have any hobbies and won’t allow anyone in the house he don’t already know really well. He ignores the telephone and won’t put his mobile on. Yet the second I mention I am going to do something its you always don’t want to be here or o I planned for us to go there tomorrow or I thought you was going to do these jobs for me?

I’m tired I feel alone and I just want some time out! An hour away doing something else or sitting in a corner of a room on my own. I used to take photos places now he always cancels sarah on days where I am meant to be doing jobs at the centre or else where. Then I have to stay to makesure he keeps safe as I couldn’t live with myself if he fell while I was out.

My antidepressants aren’t really helping they are making me less of a blubbering wreck but that’s about it.

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