So today i wake up with the usual problems plus something extra which is rather embarrassing to explain but i’m going to do it anyway! us men have a certain member that seems to rise and fall of its on accord, and unfortunately today my third eye is looking out how do i go to a meeting and explain to a bunch of young ladies that i’m a bit uncomfortable.
Every few months i wake with a erection the three times its normal size which from past experience won’t go down for most of the day, it would be great if it was for a sexual reason but its not! the problem is i get all the feelings and things that go with it. The urge to cum without control should my body get aroused during the day.
The worst turn on for me is women that wear dresses or skirts and black tights it don’t help he goes up further and won’t deflate, so today is a totally shit day for me i feel so down i really don’t want to be here i don’t feel a part of anything i feel like i’m on my own in this world i should have gone to a meeting this morning but i just couldn’t get the motivation i wanted to but felt like i wouldn’t be able to cope if someone made a negative comment towards me i would just get up and walk out without explaination.
Its so difficult i just want to hide away, dad is in so much pain today because of the cold even though the heating is on full he is still really cold and his joints have swollen and i have to sit here and watch him crying like a baby because the pain is so bad and the pain killers he has aren’t powerful enough, Sarah his carer finally turned in a 10.30 am and dad then got her to go doing shopping with me, which is ok! but when i’m like this and with the added issue of the erection then its more of a problem.
Young ladies are lucky, their problems can be hidden each month but mine is to obvious sometimes.
I’m so tired i have no energy but don’t have any way of sorting it my mobility is suffering because i need to walk daily for more than 10 minutes and i’m just down and knackered to even bother.
I wish i could just get out of here for a bit just some downtime doing something even if no one wants me there just sitting in a corner on my own would be just time away but now great. i know i live a lonely life and i know people don’t want me around them they don’t have to say you can just see their reactions when i turn up to thinks but i just need something to get me out, else i will have to implement my plans earlier than i was expecting my plans are a last resort but the letters will explain to people why i’m doing it.
I won’t do anything stupid i just need time out i need to not be a carer for a bit but i know there is no one else i know dad will be on his own.